In an article called "5 Things Parents Shouldn't Say To Their Kids", posted on Yahoo! Shine, Charlene Prince Birkeland, a Team Mom, addresses the issue that the choice of words parents use to communicate with their children directly impacts the parent-child relationship long term.
According to Birkeland, a commonly used ultimatum that is "sure to freak your child out [is] 'I'm going to leave without you!'" When I was told this as a child, I was scared at first, and I even had bad dreams about them leaving me behind. Even worse, I, a clever child, one who learns patterns at the snap of a finger, began catching on pretty quickly to the fact that they were not going to follow through; therefore, I did not always believe their threats.
Debora Gilboa, a parenting speaker, says, "If you want them to believe what we say is true, we cannot say something that is patently false." My parents may have made this mistake with me, but my sister Danielle is only 5, and I can warn them about this. It may be the reason that I sometimes don't even believe their threats now, like taking my phone for example.
Although the intent behind a parents' words are usually honorable, sometimes they still need to be careful about making their intent clear. Birkeland, supporting this point, also states that the command, "Say you're
sorry!", can cause a "delay [of] the child's natural acceptance". Have you ever met a person who constantly apologizes out of
habit? Luckily, I am not too bad about it, but I have met a few motorboats who splash out their apologies left and right every time they hit the water. They spew and murmur until they are completely shut off.Birkeland makes the point that "Young children don't automatically understand why they have to apologize." If one goes through their childhood apologizing and not even knowing what for, he/she will do that all their life, mindlessly blaming oneself about every little thing. Fortunately, my parents made sure I was specific about what I was apologizing for, and that could be the reason I am not that annoying "apologizer" now.
Deciding what to say, thinking before one speaks, and choosing how to deliver a message to a child should not be taken lightly. Instead, try to develop a habit of deciding one's words before saying them, and considering how those words might impact the child later on. Furthermore, there is always an opportunity for correction, so do not fret too much if an unwanted word or phrase slips out.
